


Twas The Night Before Christmas

by glowydean



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Invasion, Funny, Multi, Poetry, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowydean/pseuds/glowydean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Night Before Christmas poem, done Avengers style.  I can't believe I actually wrote this.  My dream is to have Samuel L. Jackson recite it. LOL.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twas The Night Before Christmas

twas the night before christmas, at big old stark tower  
not a thing was stirring, not even thor's hammer  
the superhero tights were all hung at the chimney with care  
in hopes that loki just wouldn't appear

the avengers were nestled, all snug in their beds  
while visions of kicking ass danced in their heads   
and coulson in his pajamas and I in my eyepatch   
had just settled a case in court and were ready for a fucking nap

when out on the balcony arose such a clatter  
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter   
away to the giant window I flew like a flash   
and ordered JARVIS to turn on the lights and open the sash  

the moon shone down on new york city below   
and I wondered why the hell I wasn't in Cabo   
when what to my wondering eye should appear  
but a miniature sleigh and some weird looking reindeer 

with slicked back hair and scowl so cruel   
of course, it's Loki flying out there you damn fool!  
more rapid than those chiaturi space ships his courses they came  
and he whistled and shouted and started calling me names!

'hey fury! hey one-eye! how's the old eye patch going?  
you really look glad to see me! oh shit, it's snowing!'  
'to the top of stark tower! let's go make some noise!  
now dash away, dash away, dash away my boys!'

and loki with his scowl and me with my glare  
and coulson stood by watching loki floating in the air  
so up towards the house he flew, with his weird looking reindeer  
and his alien friends too

now loki was not being subtle at all  
he wanted everyone to know he was here to have a ball   
and as I drew my gun and turned around  
there was loki standing wearing a bloody crown

he was dressed in dark leather complemented with green and gold  
I looked at him and said 'boy, your fashion choices are mighty bold,'  
his eyes blazed with some kind of unholy heat   
and his face was as white as a sheet

he was lean and mean, a miserable old God  
and I laughed when I saw him and was slightly awed  
but a wink of his eyes and a twist of his head   
let me know in that moment I had everything to dread

and he spoke not a word but aimed straight for me   
and I jumped behind the damned christmas tree   
I couldn't see anything but twinkling lights   
and I wondered why I always got into these damn fights

with the christmas tree on fire and the stockings too   
I looked around and wondered what the hell should I do?  
then coulson came and knocked him over the head   
and we checked to make sure that he wasn't dead

then coulson collapsed back onto the couch and closed his eyes  
'happy christmas to all and to all a good fucking night' 

**Author's Note:**

> I know there were no explicit relationships in this but I tagged them with some of my favorite ships!


End file.
